January 5, 2012
So, let's take a look at them, starting from the least worst to the worst, although it probably doesn't matter what order you put these in.
Dream House. With Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz, and Naomi Watts, you would think this would at least be watchable. It isn't. It is a slow, plodding affair that doesn't know if it is about a crazy guy or a ghost. It will leave you with questions, mostly, who let this thing get made?
Bad Teacher. Here I was hoping for a Bad Santa-esque movie, what I got was a movie that was mean and cynical for the sake of being mean and cynical. I don't require likable characters, but there was something about this movie that rubbed me the wrong way. It was flat out mean with no sense of redemption. Now, if you want a movie with unlikable characters who learn nothing that is actually good, check out Young Adult.
Killer Elite. Clive Owen, Jason Statham, Robert Deniro, you say? International action you say? Well, look elsewhere. Shallow characters, dull action, and a story that is hard to keep straight, it is hard to find the good of this movie. Also, if you want to see it based on the trailer, that is not the story.
A Good Old Fashioned Orgy. I really wanted to like this, honest, but I couldn't. This is a movie that goes nowhere, does nothing, is populated by annoying self-involved characters and offers no real humor. This one is best to skip. You would be better off revisiting any Judd Apatow production.
Machine Gun Preacher. Here is a movie that is based n a better story than it tells. It tells the Cliffs Notes version of what really happened, scenes just happen without a beginning or end and when it ends, well, it just stops. It is an annoying, aggravating movie that wants to target the Rambo crowd and give it a moral compass. It misses its target.
The Big Year. Steve Martin, Owen Wilson, and Jack Black in what may be the most pointless movie of the year. This is, quite literally, a movie about people who go around trying to see as many birds as they can. That is it, nothing more, nothing less. If you need to fall asleep quick, this is the movie for you.
Red Riding Hood. The classic fairy tale re-imagined as a horror tale through a Twilight filter. That about sums it up. Poor acting, effects, lame direction all add up for an uninspired movie that panders to that Twilight crowd. I'd say more but I didn't bother to review it and have forgotten the painful details.
30 Minutes or Less. Based on true events, this gives us the skinny on a pizza delivery guy who gets jumped, strapped to a bomb and forced to rob a bank. Could be interesting, but oh no. This movie does not develop anything, it goes through the points of what happens and ends. Boring and uninspired.
Shark Night 3D. The big question with this movie is how it made it onto the big screen. This is about on par with your average SyFy production. Awful effects, terrible acting, and a boatload of stuff that doesn't make sense. I feel fairly certain that one day this will be fun with friends and a lot of beer. Until that time, avoid.
The Roommate. Shallow, vapid, worse than a CW teen drama, this is a movie that should not have been made. It is flat out awful. The psycho is more just supremely weird, the target is oblivious to the warning signs, they are just a match made in heaven. This is, simply put, a product and not a movie at all. It is a "scary" movie made for teens to separate them from their disposable income. I am sad to say I am one of the fools suckered in. This movie and all those I mentioned here should serve as a warning to try and make a better choice when it comes to our movie viewing.
Posted by Christopher Beaumont at 1/05/2012 09:13:00 AM
Chris has been an avid movie watcher for decades, getting into the writing game in 2004. Since that time he has contributed to a number online publications as well as running CriticalOutcast.com. In addition to movies, Chris is a big fan of music, particularly metal, and will never give up hope on his beloved Mets.